je t'aime toujours, mon coeur (:

2010-05-16T21:55:00.001+08:00

Today was a fairy tale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand
And you picked me up at six
Today was a fairy tale
Today was a fairy tale

Today was a fairy tale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark gray t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairy tale
Time slows down
Whenever you're around

Can you feel this Magic in the air?
It must've been the way you kissEd me
Fell in love when I saw you standin' there
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale

Today was a fairy tale
You've got a smile
That takes me to another planet
Every move you make
Every thing you say is right
Today was a fairy tale

Today was a fairy tale
All that I could say is now it's Getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense til the time I saw your face
Today was a fairy tale
Time slows down
Whenever you're around-Yeah

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must've been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standin' there
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale

Time slows down
Whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it
I can't put this down

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must've been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standin' there
It must've been the way

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must've been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standin' there
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale
It must've been the way
Today was a fairy tale

Oh Oh Ooh Yeah oh
Today was a fairy tale

2010-04-10T23:04:00.002+08:00

Mr. Veera was my Knowledge and Inquiry (KI) tutor last year at Temasek JC.

Although he only taught me in a classroom setting for a year, he was my mentor for various projects including my KI Independent Study. As such, he not only taught me content knowledge, but also to accord respect to everyone, to be humble, and to be open to knowledge beyond one’s area of interest. Arts students like me rarely venture past our niche areas, leaving Maths and Science to ‘the geeks’. However, Mr. Veera was genuinely interested in all fields of knowledge, and shared his enthusiasm in class.

He read widely and could offer intelligent conversation on a range of topics. Yet he was never one to brag, always saying, “I’m not an expert but this is what I think”, even when talking about his areas of specialty. While doing my Independent Study, I disappointed him multiple times by producing mediocre work. Yet every time, he would cut to the chase by saying, “I’m going to be frank with you,” and speak his mind. And though his bluntness was sometimes brutal, I always appreciated it as he would end off by stating how he knew I was capable of better. His steadfast confidence in me spurred me on, as I didn’t want to let him down.

In many ways, he left an impression on me because he basically practised what he preached. That, I feel, is the mark of any great teacher. Thank you, Mr. Veera.

2010-04-10T10:56:00.001+08:00

here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins
just run with me through rows of speeding cars
the papercuts, the cheating lovers
the coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

there there, baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
now now, darling
don't lose your head
none of us were angels
and you know I love you, yeah

sleeping pills know, sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
you can't keep on like this
now's a bad a time as any

there there, baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
now now, darling
don't kill yourself
none of us were angels
and you know I love you, yeah

it's ok by me
it was a long time ago

2007-11-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

This is my last post here.

Truth is, we all have issues. I've got tons of them – unrequited love, problems with my family members, my grades should be better, debate matters, insecurity issues especially to do with my appearance and lots more. I remember Kenneth once wondering out loud in one of those random moments of his if there was anyone who was so hideous, they dread looking in the mirror every day and could you imagine how horrible that must be. And more importantly, I remember thinking, that’s kinda me. I hate that I’m so fat, and I hate that I’m so ugly. I don’t want any pity or anything; I just want to face up to facts. I’m hideous, and I know it.

So what we do with the pain that these problems cause is quite simply numb it. We all want to be happy, or at least appear to be happy. After all, happiness is really what makes life worthwhile, isn’t it? It’s the whole point of being alive. If you’re not happy or have reason to be, why live? So, in the hopes of forgetting our sorrows, we watch happy movies, read happy novels, eat happy chocolate or popcorn or whatever. The more dramatic amongst us turn to drugs, alcohol, sex or smoking to achieve the same effect. Maybe that’s why I like Disney and chick flicks and chick lit and such so much. It’s Prozac for my soul. Anyway, after all these therapies have taken their toll, we put on a fake smile and a fake happy face and a fake happy voice to pretend we’re okay. We fake our way through the day with that happy mask, when inside, we’re fragile souls, crumbling with the slightest blow.

I’m one of those many people. I’m not who I make myself out to be. I wear a mask every day. Sometimes my act’s so good, I convince even myself. Of course, sometimes my happiness is genuine. It used to be more often than not, but these days, I’ve gotten jaded.

I've got some plot bunnies that're waiting to be written but the writer in my head just can't take the optimism of romance as a genre anymore (and conveniently, all those plots are for romances). The writer in my head isn't MandyAnne anymore.

The thing about MandyAnne is that she's an overly optimistic girl. She adores fluff, and smiles a lot, and gives her love away too easily. She's happy and skippy and doesn't see the bad in people. Even when she's down, she still puts daisies on her blog. I'm just not her. This whole blog- the templates (this one's pink and based on a song about princesses, for crying out loud), the god-awful first awkward posts, the history, the tagboard, and the URL especially- is me trying to force myself to be her. Thing is, it's gotten really tiring and I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm through faking it. So I'm closing this blog, moving permanently to nadyatan, who's a more accurate representation of who Mariam is now. 288 posts later, and this is what it comes down to. Out of those 288 posts, this is probably the most honest one. Too bad it's my last.

2007-11-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

One great thing I got out of PW was finding out that Grace likes 80's hits too! YAYYYYYY. She is one of the few people I know who has even heard of 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now', which I quote, "is the greatest lover's anthem".

:D

2007-11-12T09:19:00.000+08:00

It's been a while now, but I must blog about this.

I adore adore adore Concerto Pour Deux Voix (Concerto For Two Voices). I found it last week while researching on Jean-Baptiste Maunier for my Les Choristes review (he played the gifted singer in the movie). I Googled him and found some lovely YouTube videos, mostly of his days in his professional choir Les Petits Chanteurs De Saint Marc, but there was a duet of him and Clemence (a French singer) from a couple of years back and I FELL IN LOOOOOOOVE.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

.
.
.
.

THERE AREN'T ANY.

It's just two beautiful voices singing, and honestly lyrics would just spoil it.

I later found out from JB Maunier's Official Site that he did that song as a souvenir of his voice before it broke. What a waste, right?!?!?! They really shouldn't have let puberty hit him i.e. you know.

TERENCE WOULD LOVE THIS SONG, I KNOW HE WOULD.

2007-11-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

My sisters and I pulled an (almost) all-nighter, watching movies, fixing sandwiches, drinking tea with the good china and just having tons of fun. (: We watched The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and Music and Lyrics (which I've already watched but it's funner watching with your sisters :D).

2007-11-07T20:51:00.000+08:00

Guess what's the only movie I want to watch this holiday.

(: And everyone else is saying how there're so many movies to watch! I only wanna watch one. Hee.

I can't wait for 21st November! (:(:(:

I rented a bicycle this morning and went cycling from one end of PR Park to the other, splashing gleefully through big muddy puddles and sitting on the rocks, looking out at the splashing waves while taking a break. The rental guy who's doing a holiday job there is cute. Lol.

2007-11-06T07:23:00.000+08:00

It's 7.30 a.m. and today's the day of my OP. Insya Allah, I will do okay. (:

This post is dedicated to my little friend. That's him up there. Haha.

This is him in Australia on a holiday. You can tell that he's gotten (sun)burnt.

And this, this is him before/during/after a debate.

Wong Zeng An, you're a great junior and awesome beyond awesome student, so don't be so sad/depressed/pressured to do well just 'cause your older brother did.

PRAWNS PWN! :D

2007-11-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

I have to write a review for TT by yesterday. But I totally have no mood to do it! GRR, usually I have quite a bit of time to write my columns, but given the short notice and the fact that lots of people have already watched this 2004 film doesn't help, grrrrr.

I have finally got a lineup for tomorrow's OP. Black cap from Nigel (he's passing it to me tomorrow), black and gold hoodie, gold, black and white Man U jersey, jeans, white, gold and black Kappa shoes from Mardiana, and of course, bling and big earrings. Sigh, I am just relieved that I've got that out of the way.

So. There is this waiter at Lerk Thai named Paolo who looks so much like Diego Luna! Who, coincidentally, also played a waiter in one of my favourite movies, Dirty Dancing 2.

Sigh, yes, the waiter looks exactly like him -

This is Diego, not Paolo.

Paolo's Filipino (Muddy asked a waitress, who told us that all the waiters and waitresses were Filipino), so that explains the Hispanic-like look.

I suddenly quite like Thai food. (:

2007-11-03T19:28:00.000+08:00

Went for Arena auditions round 2 today with the kids! They didn't get through to the televised rounds (which I think is absolutely ridiculous) but given that it is a TV show, they had to have a good mix of schools, and be politically-correct I guess. It's stupid and completely unfair to our kids, who had fabulous arguments and worked so effing hard. I mean, a team with ONE example throughout 3 speakers and substance the size of an ant can make it through just because they have American accents? That's completely ridiculous.

I have to do a French movie review for TT by tomorrow, Melody just smsed me yesterday, and told me this morning while I was on the way to SIM for Arena auditions that I need to do it by today but that's ridiculous so tomorrow then.

Huiyi tagged me to do this quiz thing, so I will. Even though I have five hundred thousand better things to do.

By the way, I just spent eighteen effing dollars on bling and MY SISTER EFFING LOST MY NECKLACE BLING, I AM SO PISSED OFF.

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for: New shoes, new bag, a manicure, your love.

Answer the following questions:

1. The person/people who tagged you is/are? LU HUIYI DAISY.

2. Your relationship with him/her is… We are wonderful friends. No more, no less. (:

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her… Dunman High Communist, bubbly, amusing, long pleated skirt, circle spectacles.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you… (: Be my friend.

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you… I can't say here, private. Next best thing, "BONK!" Ahaha.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she will… Be a very bad lover because she is a PRC. Ew. Haha, jk jk.

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be… her PRCness. No la. She's perfect just the way she is. (:

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will… EH.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be… NO I REFUSE TO HARBOUR THE THOUGHT.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is… luck for OP!

11. Your overall impression of him/her is… LOVE.

12. How you think people around you feel about you? Okay. I'm a nice person, really.

13. One characteristic that you love about yourself is... that I give love easily.

14. On the contrary, the characteristic that you hate about yourself is... my melodramatic tendencies.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is… the right one for him.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them… Thanks for the love, I don't deserve it, but thanks so much anyway. I love you! (:

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you…

1. Chin
2. Weiting
3. Kong Meng
4. Zeng An
5. Elis
6. Marc
7. Ethel
8. Jelyn
9. Grace Chen
10. Aishah

Who is No.6 having a relationship with? Marc has a relationship with Sean. They're brothers.

Is No.9 a male or female? Grace is a girl.

If No.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? Eeks! They're both girls! And they're in the same PW group ahaha.

How about No.8 and 5? Jelyn and Elis? Ew.

What is No.2 studying about? A cross combi, which includes Chem and Lit.

When was the last time you had a chat with No.3? In the LT during History lecture. (:

What kind of music band does No.8 like? Chinese music, classical music. And whatever Mr. Hasim sings, haha! (:

Does No.1 have any siblings? Yup, an older brother and an older sister, Chin's the youngest.

How about No.7? She's an only child.

Is No.4 single? Zeng An is single, girls! Catch him!

What is the surname of no.5? LEE. Elis Lee Yuxian, I think.

What is the nickname of no.10? Shah.

What is the hobby of no.4? Being a prawn.

Do no.5 and 9 get along well? Nope, they don't even know each other.

Where is no.2 studying at? TJC!

Talk something casually about no.1? Ahh Chin. I have just bought my first pack of cards, be proud. WE MUST PLAY CARDS MOREEEEEEE.

Have you tried developing feelings for no.8? Yes, I kiss her all the time. Over MSN. Hee. (:

2007-10-31T22:02:00.000+08:00

We (3E) went to the zoo today! Jane surprised us with free tickets from her mum's workplace today, yay for Jane! (:(:(:

I want to blog more about the fun we had before, during and after our visit to our fellow inhabitants of this earth, but after The Line (Ep 7 of Heroes Season 2), all I feel like saying is

SENDHIL RAMAMURTHY IS HOT HOT HOT HOT HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Oh yes, the Western media is finally realising how HOT Indian guys are (with the exception of Varun, of course haha, jkjk). Finalement! Of course, I've known all along, hellooo John Abraham/Uday Chopra equals hot like pfsht. I think Indian guys, especially North Indian ones or those with mixed North and South Indian blood, are effing hot. Vishal, for example, is hot. Irish guys are hot too, Colin Farrell = Specimen A. I really love the lilt of an Irish accent too, it's completely sexy.

Anyway.

SENDHIL OHHH HOT.

Those intense eyes, one gaze and I will simply m e l t t t t, I will do anything he asks me too, with just one gaze and a flash of those beautiful pearly whites. Oh I wanna tousle those adorable curls sooooo bad.

2007-10-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

So I adjudicated at the SAID-VS Debate Invitationals, and it was really interesting. Hung out with the TJ delegation, KCX and TP people, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt debater-y, that was awesome. (: The KC X, Nicole, Michelle and Callie totally rock, they're awesome debaters and they were kind enough to accompany me back to VS at 7.30 when it's really dark. You guys are really cool! Oh yeah and Ningrong is amusing, one of those spontaneous people who're great to have around. The world needs more people like her, just to make life more unpredictable. (x

Okay, on to the debates. Overall, I really think I'm a good, impartial adjudicator. Some of my rulings meant that my own juniors wouldn't break ironically, and that in itself proves that I made decisions without any vested interest, honest.

1) TPJC Swing vs TMS2 : TPJC Swing consisted of The Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Farah, Jasmin and Angela. They're fun people, I met them at Loke's house previously and while they're better stylistically than the novice team from TMS, in terms of consistency and fulfilling their burden they fell a little behind so I gave it to TMS by a really close margin. I think that made the TMS people really like me, because they were nice and friendly to me later. One of them, Fadhil, is my primary schoolmate Farah's younger brother. I remember going to their house for Hari Raya one year, and I also know their neighbours, Farhan and Nabilah. Small world, haha.

2) FMSS vs VS3 : I tried very hard not to laugh so obviously. The motion was about banning the use of human embryos in scientific experimentation, but Fairfield's main argument was riots, how not banning would mean riots. Ohh, they are precious precious little kids, with a lot of potential but with 3 min speeches I had to give it to VS3 even though they were really passionate and enthusiastic. I wonder what happened to ~~John (?)~~ ROBERT (yes thank you Heidi) from debate camp who was also from FMSS and should be Sec 4 now, I didn't get a chance to ask. Also, I think their coach takes debating wayyy too seriously- he kept asking me to tell the kids where they went wrong, why I gave it to VS3, etc. Chill la, debating is about having fun really. I just needed better argumentation and content, and that really is something that comes with time, experience, and just plain street smarts so yeah.

3) XM2 vs TMS2 : Yes, I adjudicated TMS2 again haha. This time I had two people in the room I knew personally from both teams- Fadhil and from Xinmin, Ismail, who's my Madrasah student; I adore his younger brother and sister Isa and Sarah, who are the cutest kids ever. But the fact that I knew him personally had nothing to do with the fact that I gave him best speaker and his side the win. I think his debating style was the most appealing - it was entertaining and his quirks weren't at the expense of content. Since it was the third debate of the day at it was getting really late and everyone was tired, the mood seemed to wind down and the debate got really fun and a little informal. I kept my Oral Adj short and sweet (and anyway XMS clearly won) so we could all go home.

Day 2, Debate 4) SPS vs CGS : The SP 2nd had a L&G crutch that I was later told he repeated 37 times in his speech. The fact that his supporters counted really shows how bad it was, lol. I gave it to Cedar, by a pretty substantial margin, and this is another decision that's evidence that I'm impartial and unbiased, given the pseudo-rivalry Cedar had with us in JGs my year, lol. The teacher-in-charge of SP recognised me from TJ U16s and said hi, haha. Oh, and I realised I was adjudicating Miss Woodford's brother! His name on the form was Aidan Woodford, so I figured he might be related - kept trying to see similar features while he was speaking. Later, back in the AV room, I asked and surprise, surprise, lol.

5) SCGS vs TPJC Swing : This was the only debate in which I adjudicated as a panelist, one of three with Alfred and another girl whose name I didn't catch. TPJC Swing later told me that they did the debate the way they did so that SCGS would win because they wanted them to break since they couldn't break anyway. But in retrospect, if they'd done a proper job which I know they could and took the debate seriously, they could have won and consequently, my juniors would be through instead of SCGS and then SCGS wouldn't go on to win. So they really did a tad more harm that good from my POV that is. SCGS won of course, I gave it to them by a huge margin but for best speak all 3 adjudicators had different choices haha.

Lunch with the TJ gang was amazing - the butter squid was heaven on earth, as Chin says.

2007-10-25T23:31:00.001+08:00

"Science may have found a cure for most evil, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings." (Helen Keller)

Apathy isn't evil.

2007-10-25T20:32:00.000+08:00

The whole of the first week of Hari Raya, my nails were perfect. The manicure grew nicely, and they were perfect half-moons with just the right amount of white and pink. Then, they started growing even longer and got dirty easily.

So I bit them all down. (After washing my hands thoroughly, of course.)

Biting my fingernails was immensely satisfying. Of course, I later filed them and buffed them but the biting part was nice.

I should probably go get another manicure, but I have no reason to now. I'll wait till I get really depressed again and want to talk to someone with a quarter of my IQ, or if I've got a special occasion for it.

God. I sound like such an airhead, don't I.

[edit: I accidentally filed my thumb nail down too much and now it hurts. Boo.]

2007-10-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

This blog gets me into trouble with people if I tell the truth. So I censored this part.

On another note, THE TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE SCHOOL ADMIN IS SCREWED UP. So there, I said it.

In school on Tuesday, we did a whole load of NOTHING. Except for OP, we did NOTHING. EXCUSE ME, if you want us to come to school, HAVE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR US TO DO CAN OR NOT HAH. We need help with OP and public speaking, GET SOMEONE TO COME DOWN AND TALK TO US ABOUT PUBLIC SPEAKING LA. Or we could have a workshop on being better public speakers. THAT would help. Mr. Aziz scolded people on Hari Raya Eve for skipping classes for PW, and not that I was one of them (I really wasn't ah) but really, can you blame them? Mr. Aziz said it was disrespectful etc to teachers who'd "painstakingly prepared lessons". Oh yeah. Watching videos = painstakingly preparing lessons. Or better yet. WHAT LESSONS. To prove it, here's a breakdown of yesterday's proceedings.

History, Period 1 - No lecture. Arranged for MAKE-UP sessions instead. Of course, if he used the time to teach instead of letting us off, we wouldn't NEED make-up sessions, but that's beside the point.

KI/GP, Period 2 - Used for OP. Presented to the same people we presented in Rehearsal 1, with exception of Kerry. Presented to a grand total of 5 people, including the invigilator, Miss Ying. 5 people, count em. So can you really blame us when we don't have much eye contact with the audience. WHAT AUDIENCE, CAN. Our group sat through YOUR presentations, why can't you grant us the same courtesy? I was pissed ah.

3 free periods follow.

Lit, Period 4 - Became Free Period 4, Miss Nansi wasn't here.

Double Econs, Period 5 and 6 - We sat around doing nothing while Mrs Lee went through Promo papers individually.

SO can you really blame me when I'm so angry.

2007-10-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

Thursday was the worst day ever. It felt like the longest day on Earth, and being completely helpless didn't help.

I was so daymn sick, I was burning up the bed. Boo. It started on Wednesday, and got worse even as I went to Mr Loke's house for the SAID thing. Before I knew it, it was an all-out fever and I was sneezing and coughing and throwing up, the works.

Raya so far's been cool. Collection's okay, and meeting relatives rocks. (: I just wish I were more cheerful these days, is all. It's hard to be sociable. Someone told me not to put so much emphasis on the distinction, but the distinction's there and it's bigger than ever.

2007-10-12T01:52:00.001+08:00

I really, really, really like Alvamar Overture.

I wanna see (and hear, of course) TJ Band playing it someday. I have been a firm supported of TJ Band over the years and I think they should give a valued customer this one eetsy thing. Grace! Crystal! Oriana! Whoever from band who may see this! ALVAMAR PLEASE, THANK YOUUUUU. For your December concert or something eh. Of course I'm going for your December concert (Fiesta, right?). I LOVE Band, and I fully support all the wonderful performing arts groups in TJ! This means you, Chin + Weiting and Chamber. This also means you, Kong Meng + YC and Choir. This also means you, LUHUIYI my love and CO. This also means you, Dimira + Eugene + Huiling + Jeffrey and Guitar Ensemble.

2007-10-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

So there was this bunch of Greenview schoolkids who were making lots of noise, screaming and shouting and throwing water bombs at the void deck and/or multi-purpose hall under my block at 8.30p.m. wth, and they were still in their school uniform WTHHHHHH.

So I called the police.

.
.
.
.
.

No, really! *does rocker sign with pinky and index finger up* Yeahhh.

My dad later told me that tonight's their grad night. So I totally understand their need for, you know, partying. But still ah, you want to throw water bomb, do it in school ah. Don't do in public property ah.

SO THE POLICE CAME AHHHHH. SO EKSXZXKSITINGGGGGG.

My sister was the only one not praying so she was the only one who saw it all. She was so excited ah, running from room to room to get a better view.

So now the void deck looks like crap, like it just got mopped and the kids are forced to pick everything up and kena scolding like siao. Wonder if they can get arrested ah.

They really shouldn't blame me ah. I'm contributing to their awesome Grad Night experience ah. Someday when they have fab stories to tell to their grandkids, THEY WILL THANK ME for calling the police.

2007-10-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

New Marigold HL Strawberry Milk yukky. I adore the Original HL Milk because I grew up on it and if I'm in the mood for chocolate milk, HL Chocolate Milk's decent. But the Strawberry Milk's more strawberry than milk. Boo.

2007-10-10T22:09:00.000+08:00

I love Sudirman Hari Raya songs! They're nostalgic. The SC's been playing obscure, un-happy songs in the morning which totally aren't nostalgic so I complained to Jialiang this morning ironically just as Aisyah (who's in charge of supplying those songs) walked past ahaha. But really! Aishah and I are always looking at each other with those what-are-they-playing looks in the morning lol. SO! I will try passing Jialiang these Sudirman songs and some Siti Nurhaliza classics, because everyone loves Siti Nurhaliza and they're a lot Hari Raya-esque than the SC's selection. The SC are really nice people nonetheless, despite this. They really do a lot for the school. They're like house elves, just smarter.

Anyway. My supermarket plays better Raya songs than the school man. Lol.

MUMMY bought me really pretty kebaya in line with our family's GREEN movement! I like it.

Marc is a Friend of Singa! Who is Singa, you may ask. Maybe it is Shou Yu's pet name.

I like hanging out with the KI people as we did this morning whilst GP people got their papers back! KI people are fun to hang out with, as are Shou Yu, Hon Boon and Yuan Qing. (:

I will be happy from now on, I resolve to be! (:(:(: Esp with Hari Raya in two! days! TWO! Count 'em!

I AM HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYY. I won't let anything "affect my disposition", as Marc puts it. Disposition, lol. That's a very cute word. I like it.

2007-10-09T10:48:00.000+08:00

Promos are over, but I think the most stressful part of school isn't the exams bit but the getting back of results bit. You might think you did okay for a paper, but you don't know whether or not you did well till you get your paper back. It's torture, and we're all going to go through it tomorrow. So far, have gotten back History H1 (which I thought was my worst paper) and KI which I wanted to do much better for but didn't, so am rather disappointed. Then came Econs, and what I got wasn't what I'd expected. It's a lot worse than I usually do, and that's why it was quite a surprise for me. So now I am sad. So I went to get my nails done and complained to the manicurist. She was very nice and understanding, but I realised something today. Manicurists are quite dumb. I don't mean that as an insult, because they are wonderful people who are nice and save our bitten-down nails, but I'm just stating a fact. I wished she could have been a little more intelligent so I could have a real conversation with her.

I AM HUNGRY. Fasting can be a pain, but it's very cleansing and fulfilling. But still. I am HUNGRYYYY. I want Thai food. Boo.

Zeng An tagged me to do this, so I will amuse him and whoever chances upon this blog. According to my blog stats, quite a few people do, which is surprising considering not many tag. Lesson of the day: TAG people, it'll be a bit stalkerish if you read and don't let me know you're reading.

Write 10 unique things about yourself.

I like hairbands and hairclips.
I am grumpy only when I am sleepy.
I have issues with anger management.
I am too emotional.
I write. As in, stories. I can write one for you if you like. I also have a column in Temasek Times, which is nice.
My favourite actor is Tom Hanks.
I give good advice.
I am loyal to my friends.
My favourite flowers are daisies.
I think action movies are very boring.

5 people to do this!
Ethel
Jelyn (to fill up your blog)
Huiyi
Chin
Heidi

2007-10-03T18:59:00.001+08:00

I hate people who think that life's a bunch of happy smiley squishy flowers and everyone should be happy all the freaking time.

I know, because I used to be one of those people.

2007-09-28T17:37:00.000+08:00

Mr Veera is a wonderful teacher in charge. Over the years, he's an almost paternal figure in school, a constant in a sea of changes. He's seen me go through some pretty tough times and childish phases, and is always there with honest, frank words to help.

So thank you, Mr Veera.

2007-09-27T18:13:00.000+08:00

Did I mention that I love the school at night?

Because I do. (:

2007-09-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

Today was a daze.

I didn't start the paper until five minutes after time started. I just stared into space, not even touching the paper. And it's so not because of the paper itself.

Breaking down on the bus was pretty embarrassing, because I didn't mean to. It just- happened.

I guess people are surprised that I get upset. But I do. I shouldn't have, especially right before a paper, but I did. It felt good to let it all out and talk, or um bawl haha, to someone about it. Huiyi was saying that it helped to cry, and I would have fervently agreed. Before today. Because it just makes me feel even more awful.

I've made up my mind. I know what I want to do.

Goodbye.

2007-09-21T15:35:00.000+08:00

Seriously, who cares about Promos when people have bigger issues to grapple with.

I'm effing insecure.

I'm ~~suicidal~~ semidepressed.

I served for three damn years, three years, and I give so much, and I get nothing.

Thank you for pretending to be a friend, but being all weird now.

I just want to die, or leave and go far far away.

I don't get what I did to get this kinda treatment from you. What did I ever do to you, other than what was provoked? I was effing nice to you okay, and then you got all rude and bitchy. I wish I never knew people like you, you're ruining my entire life.

2007-09-11T18:07:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. I should be studying. But I couldn't resist because I had the most perfect day ever today. Sighhhh.

I was so happy and cheerful (the way I used to be) and everyone was nice to me, not a single person was horrible! After History and KI, I had 3 free periods, which I used to productively... Read "The Witches" (Roald Dahl, if you didn't know because you had a deprived childhood) and fall asleep, yay. (: Farah accosted me while I was on the way to the caf (read: canteen) and made me listen to some songs, which were the kind you get high on. I listened to them while Michael was trying to do the Moonwalk. That was really amusing, and really perked me up before I slogged out Indonesia for H2 History for a period or two.

We had Lit, which is always such fun. (: Then, the highlight of my day and one of the main reasons I am so happy - DOUBLE ECONS was so wonderful because I actually 1) had brought the worksheet for the first time in aeons, 2) stayed awake and understood what Mrs. Lee was saying, 3) took notes in the most wonderful shade of pink, 4) said okay to emceeing tomorrow's Econs quiz. Squeeeee.

After Econs, I passed by Huiyi and told her I was going shopping ("WHAT?! you're not going to go study for promos?"), and then explained to an incredulous Huiyi and David that I was going shopping for foolscap to go study for promos hahahaha. I went to the bus stop opposite school and met Lester, Marc and Grace there. Grace asked me why I was so happy, and I told her and she high-fived me twice! Yayyy, that was so great. Thanks Grace!

I dropped by White Sands on the way home, to shop for abovementioned foolscap (I always get the Strawberry Shortcake one) and Popular there was all out of stock! They did have this great offer though, 2 Strawberry Shortcake drawing blocks for $1.80, when the usual price is $5. What a great buy right. So I bought it then proceeded to the teen fiction section where I found the latest 1800 where are you book by Meg Cabot!! I love that series, and that book is the only one I haven't read. Well, not anymore *grins*. I won't give away any spoilers about the perfect ending (not that any of you guys actually read the series) but it was SO SO wonderful, I absolutely love love loved it!!

Okay gtg now, bye!

2007-09-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

Little break from hiatus mentioned below.

Just a quick one, I am so so so excited for HSM2 tomorrow! (: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And I KNEW the Disney cutting Vanessa wasn't true. Disney rocks.

Hanging out and studying with Jacq and Jezer yesterday was really fun! They're my Pre U Sem SGmates from TPJ and MJ respectively. (: We met at a freezing Tampines Starbucks, swopped notes and had to wait 2 freaking hours to photocopy all the notes, haha. Later, we got hungry (well, Jezer did) so we went up to study at the foodcourt, which was really cool because we had so much more space for our bags, files and food, the table at Starbucks had been so small. But I'm glad I went out instead of just mucking around at home, and I got KI model essays from RJ and MJ and some other stuff from the two of them! And if Jezer passes, he owes us lunch! We must must meet again during Nov/Dec holidays like Jacq said!

I miss you. I miss hanging out with some people. Sometimes I wonder if I lost you to some others, then I perish the thought and hope we can still be friends, like we used to be.

Thinking about it just drains my energy, I should just not give a damn. If that's the way it's gonna be, then so be it. At least I still have friends, even if (I think) I'm losing some.
Spice indeed. Wtf. More like rat poison.

2007-09-01T09:01:00.000+08:00

"Playtime's over."

I need to prove myself.

This blog's closed until further notice, not that anyone would be here. If you are, go study for your EOYs, okay? (: Best of luck to all.

Many hugs,
MandyAnne

2007-08-30T05:37:00.000+08:00

This is (one of) the reason(s) why I love Chin Jincheng:

Mariam: I'm tired and hungry and thirsty!
Chin: Go eat la!
Mariam: But I'm fasting...
Chin: *shouts to people on the other end of the phone* Okay everyone, let's go for a sumptious dinner!

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

2007-08-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

This is the reason why I answered that human behaviour can never be predictable in KI yesterday:

Michelle: Hey, do you have an eraser?
Mariam: *Rummages through pencilcase* No. But I have flower stickers.
Michelle: What does that have to do with an eraser?!!

Hahahahaha.

2007-08-28T22:02:00.001+08:00

I just realised that the card I bought yesterday which I'd thought was $5.50 was actually $6.90! Gahhh.

2007-08-28T18:43:00.000+08:00

I've finished NA! Yayyy. I thought it ended a bit too fast though. Oh well. I read the last few chapters after History today in the library, sitting across from Natha, who has been coming back to school to study in el cafe even though it's his study break. Natha is really cute. (:

History first period today was in the History Room, previously known as the Humans Room. That place is so old, and stuff there has been there for ages and ages, it just made me feel so... old. Again. Like I've been here for so long. I remember when I first came in there for Debate auditions, and having to do something on capital punishment. I remember meeting Sean there and we were in the same group coming up with arguments and even then I remember how smart as a whip he was, with his Malaysia Boleh and waving an imaginary flag around, still in his Katholik High uniform back then. And all the subsequent Debate activities that went on in that room. And he's graduated. Leaving for Cambridge, even. And, in betwsen discussing triangular diplomacy and presidential agendas, I told Gladia, "God, I will miss TJ when we leave next year." And I will. I've spent so much time here, given so much, gotten so much in return. I was in the girls' toilet next to Mr. Bala's room early early this morning and I saw the paper bag from Open House 2005 and I remember helping Yee Chuin and the TASC pack those bags late into the night, Oriana grumbling and Woon Yee getting cranky haha. (: But yeah. Being here for so so long has its plus points.

We pretty much finished Econs today in KI, and Thursday is the last tutorial (OH DAMN I HAVE NOT TOUCHED THE STUPID DAWKINS ESSAY OMGXxXxX.) with Mr. Tan I suppose so I shall give him the cute Goodbye card then instead of on Friday, because then not so rush rush look for him in the sea of tutors haha. Okay that was appalling grammar but whatever lol, the guy who taught me grammar is leaving very very soon so yeah. I never even got a chance to say bye properly so far. I hope I do soon. I was talking to Boon Wei, and I was saying, "It's either freezing like hell or damn stuffy", and Chinny who was walking past went, "YES, the KI room is hell!" (: KI room was especially chilly today so the chill brought out the urge to pee. So when Mr. Tan asked, "Is Economics a Science?", I straightaway put up my hand and went, "May I go to the toilet please?" Hahahahahahaha. Oh yeah and yesterday was even funnier. Nicole and I have this thing where I can predict whether Mr. Tan's links in his comp are going to load. I'm right most of the time, but yesterday I was so so spot on! I was like, Nicole, I betcha it's not gonna load. It's also gonna make the comp crash. And guess what! It did! "You haven't lost your touch," said Nicole. (: (: (: Nicole is nice to hug. Yay.

During double Econs, Mrs. Lee mentioned Megawati in that she tried to lower subsidies and the people went on riots. And Michelle was like Megawati is such a funny name for a man. And I was like Megawati's a woman! HAHA. Then Grace was like what's a megawati? ROFL. I told Michelle I was gonna blog about that, and I am now ahahaha.

We watched some parts of the BBC Pride and Prejudice during Lit lecture. While waiting for the DVD player to come, Kenneth and Lester were pounding on their tables, chanting 'we want boobs'. -_-'' But yeah, observing the different boobs in the programme was funny. Caroline's were - I quote Michelle - like two cherries. So damn small! And Elizabeth's was the biggest. Haha. Okay I will stop here. Getting too PG.

I need to buy new pen. Haha.

Someday I will look back at all this and laugh. Lol.

2007-08-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

Okay so just now I went Teachers Day shopping! (: Before I left, I consulted Eve for her expert opinion - TM or Parkway? Indeed it was a tough choice, but in the end I went to TM! Hahaha, was actually supposed to go to Junction 8 with Jelyn but her LEP group VERY LAST MINUTE called for a meeting, so blast went our plans to shop together. Tsk tsk, Jelyn's LEP group!

So I went right and all the gift shops/card shops/cute stuff shop, and everything felt so... fake. I wanted to get stuff from the heart, you know? Something meaningful, sincere. In the end, I got a cute (but relatively pricey) card for Mr. Tan which I absolutely love in its simplicity. I wanted to buy a Calvin and Hobbes collection for him too, but it was either $28 or $38 so unless I can find someone to split it with, I shan't get it. I also got good value-for-money simple cards from Times for Mr. Hasim and Mrs. Goh. I bought something from Toys R Us for Miss Woodford, but I'm not telling because I think it's silly though it's really cute so it will be a surprise on Friday eh!

I love Terence, he seems to be the only other Disney fan I know! He popped up as soon as I signed in to my MSN and went very cutely "Mariam! Love the pic!". GRINS. It was a Zanessa pic (not really HSM actually) but I am so so hyped up over HSM2 and I showed him my desktop and he was like I want! I want! Gotta love him man. (: Little things in life make me happy. (:

2007-08-26T19:28:00.000+08:00

Life changes people so much.

I think twice, thrice, four times now before I say anything. I look before I cross the street. I tread with more caution in everything. I try not to do things without any clear purpose.

Yet sometimes I slip, my emotions run away with me.

Pensive, contemplative.

Pourquoi pas?
Quelqu'un m'aide.

2007-08-25T19:12:00.001+08:00

The funniest thing just happened, hahahahahahaha.

Fatimah came in in her new blousedress and was preening.

Fatimah: Isn't it pweetayy?
Hasia: You mean your maternity shirt? *pulls at shirt* Can pull down and breastfeed one.
Fatimah: HEYY!

Oh and I was playing the Who Do You Love More game with Isa, and it went like this:

Mariam: Who do you love more, an axe murderer or Hasia?
Isa: Axe murderer.
Mariam: A sajadah (prayer mat) or Hasia?
Isa: Sajadah.
Mariam: Fatimah or Hasia?
Isa: Fatimah.
Mariam: Mariam or Fatimah?
Isa: Mariam.
Mariam: Mariam or food?
Isa: *pause* *grins innocently* Is this a trick question?
Mariam: !!!

How could he right!!! But it was funny la haha.

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

2007-08-25T17:07:00.000+08:00

Saturday is the laziest day of the week, when I sleep in an hour more than I should and take an afternoon nap. Saturday makes me feel like watching TV, surfing, blogging and generally doing nothing at all even though I have a ton of better things to do.

I am going to use all of my allowance from next week and then some for Teacher's Day presents instead of a new MP3 player/fixing my Shuffle, so I really really hope the teachers who get my presents are grateful (and possibly give me higher marks) haha.

I'll be fasting from tomorrow till maybe Thursday. 5 days in a row. So no eating! Haha.

I ripped this off Michael's blog, which I randomly went to after seeing his Friendster profile haha. It's been ages since I did this kinda thing, lol.

SEVEN QUALITIES I WANT IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER:

A sense of humour
Care and compassion
A mind of his own
An understanding nature
A good movie partner
Mostly grammatically-correct speech
An emphasis on family and religion

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE ME:

Death and the afterlife
A Levels
Allah s.w.t.
Losing friends and loves
Having a blank SGC
Not being able to watch HSM2 on 9 Sept! :(
Getting kicked out of Debate. Shivers.

SEVEN RANDOM SONGS:

Wonderwall, Oasis
Am I Not Pretty Enough, Kasey Chambers
The Man You Love, Il Divo
Maneater, Nelly Furtado
The Math, Hilary Duff
Daisy Bell!
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All, Air Supply

SEVEN THINGS I LIKE MOST:

My Charles and Keith bag
My agnes b makeup bag from Elis and Nigel (:
My pastel coloured pretty pens from Gladiachorkhotan
My teddies from LUHUIYI and Sabby and Rawrelle! Lol.
My phone, no matter how sucky it is.
Tablet with pretty Desktop, no matter how laggy it is.
Debates on fun topics (I had to Prop THBT chick flicks have no substance yesterday, can you imagine! :( But it was fun haha.)

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY BEDROOM:

My tablet!
My bed and water pillow!!
My Qur'an
My clothes
My study lamp from Ayah as present for good PSLE results haha
My wallet! Cannot imagine life without it!
My recently-acquired copy of Northanger Abbey

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

I like Grey's Anatomy, even though my parents ban me from watching it (too much sex, they say.)
I love Jelyn Lee, she is too cute!!
I love my PW group (:
I love TJ Debate and Kerry Chan.
I am random!
I love this blog, my sanctuary.
I love Disney! Candyfloss goodness. High School Musical, Hannah Montana, classic Disney <3

SEVEN THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

Pray more.
Give more to my community.
Write a kickass novel
Write a kickass D/G fanfic
Love with all my heart.
Have my own kids and raise them right
Make my parents proud.

SEVEN THINGS I CAN DO:

Lashings and some knotwork haha.
Bake brownies and cheesecake
Be happy!
Blog and write
Try and debate
Braid and/or French braid
Pick out the prettiest and most meaningful flowers for you to buy for your girlfriend

SEVEN THINGS I SAY MOST:

I should be doing my history instead.
Haha and LOL.
Errrrrrrrrrrr.
Whatever.
So cute right!!
Heart heart heart.
Never mind.

SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES:

Tom Felton, ages ago
Josh Groban, ages ago
Diego Luna!!!
Orlando Bloom, ages ago
Josh Lucas omg soo cute.
Guillaume Canet, from Jeux D'enfants
Sebastian from Il Divo soo cute!

SEVEN PEOPLE I WANT TO DO THIS:

luhuiyidaisy!
kerrehhh chan
chinjincheng
marcay teh
WONGZENGAN!
heyyydehh tan
nigel tannnnn

2007-08-25T09:15:00.000+08:00

I should be studying/doing my homework/doing PW/writing essays instead. (x

He was much nicer yesterday, maybe because it was our last tutorial.
We were all so depressed and dead.
"Oiii. Why is everyone so glum? Mariam?"
"...mutters..."
"What?!"
"Because it's raining..."
"Oh sure blame it on the rain."
God, I will miss him like mad. The self-proclaimed narcissicm, the sarcasm, the smirks. Mr. Tan's the embodiment of Draco in some ways, but he's always the same good ol' M. Tan. And of course, I will always be grateful for all he's given us.

You know what yesterday's tutorial reminded me of? The History Boys. When the new teacher comes in and returns essays, proclaiming them dull, dull, dull. That's exactly what he did yesterday, innit!

Salam hangat untuk cintamu
Aku yang kandas dan patah hati
Biarlah orang memandang lama
Aku tak mahu bercinta lagi

Engkau yang dulu pernah kucinta
Namun terlanjur kau bersamanya
Dan kau terluka oleh cintanya
Kini ku hadirku sudah
Jera

2007-08-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I am so pissed off at him, I just am. Jelyn was quite surprised at how I was talking about him on the phone with her yesterday, I distinctly remember myself saying "arrogant bastard" and "pompous -" at least 6 times.

Just leave la, not like it makes any difference! Stop harping so much about it in class, saying that you're only doing this because Promos are coming and "guilt forces you to", "not that it makes any difference" because you're "leaving". (By the way, you taught me how to do that. Quoting appropriately, I distinctly remember.) Whatever. So go already! *Crosses arms and looks away angrily*

Okay so maybe I may have been a bit rude during class today, staring angrily and snapping like that, but whatever la. Going by your line of logic, you're leaving right, so "it doesn't make a difference", RIGHT?! If P then Q, P therefore Q. P = you're leaving, Q = we can do whatever the hell we want. See, I actually damn well paid attention in your classes, because I know that's a damn modus ponens even though for the love of God, Venn diagrams still mystify me like hell.

So why am I holding back tears amidst my anger.
Because deep inside, sorrow blooms. Insecurities that lay dormant resurface.

I seriously cannot imagine school/KI/LA without him. It would just be... nothingness.

I'll be wiping away tears on his last day, just like how I am now, even as I type.

God, I really must not get so affected by it. I must not break down. There's absolutely no reason to be. He's just a teacher, for God's sake. Why am I even writing this? It's not like he'll ever see it. I sure hope he never reads this.

Don't cry. At least not in front of him.

2007-08-23T21:23:00.001+08:00

I realise that I write wayyy too much poetry when I am bored in class. Haikus and the like are scribbled all over my foolscap and along margins of notes. I must stop this annoying habit, it is a great distraction. And it's too Chin-like. Eww. And it's too angsty-teenage-poetesque. Ugh.

I zoned out in Econs lecture today, thinking about stuff. I am way too pensive sometimes, thinking too much about things just make them seem worse than they actually are.

2007-08-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

So yesterday I watched Rush Hour 3, it was absolute bullshit and I laughed like hell. I laughed the loudest and longest in the cinema, Muddy was so mortified ahahahaha. If you need mindless slapstick and comedy like that just to perk yourself up if you're depressed or anything, go watch Rush Hour 3!

Today after school, I went to Borders. I asked my dad if I could go, our conversation went something like this:
M - Ayah, can I go to Borders?
A - Serious, ah?!
M - Ummm, ya.
A - For what?
M - Look at book la.
A - Okay, just get home before Maghrib (7.30p.m.).

(:
So I went. Borders does not have a single Gaddis book, which is on my list of Long Term Goals. I looked through the entire History section, and when I couldn't find anything, I went to ask Information. After waiting patiently for, like, 15 minutes of the shopgirl running around, it turns out they're out of stock of any books by Gaddis and they don't plan on stocking on any! I did spot a book by Noam Chomsky though and I was tempted to buy a book by Ziuddin Sardar (the guy who wrote Journeys of a Skeptical Muslim, which was absolutely hilarious, I adored it) called 'Why Do People Hate America?' but guess what I ended up buying?

After browsing the Romance Section and the Literature section, I got Northanger Abbey, by Jane Austen! During Lit tutorial today, the guys agreed that they did not find Austen funny, to which I was quite surprised! They've been doing it as a Lit text for God's sake, all the funny parts have been analysed to bits and they don't find it funny?! Grace was like, "I know it's supposed to be funny but I didn't LOL while reading it, did you?" I was like, "Yeah of course! That part when Darcy gets rejected and didn't see it coming, that was so funny!" I was like HAHA loser, wth do you expect her to agree to marry you after you just made so obvious that you think she's inferior, no matter how hot you are (and that you are, Darcy (:).

SO anyway. Northanger Abbey so far. It's very funny, I read up to Chapter 8 and I laughed at quite a few instances. Mr. Tilney is so cute and funny, I think he would make the perfect 21st Century kind of guy! He seems a bit like the SNAG kind so far, but I'm hoping he gets less weird as the book goes along and a bit more macho. (: Even if he doesn't, he will still be cute and funny! Actually, Mr. Tilney reminds me a bit of Marcay! If you ever read NA, don't you think Marc is so like Mr. Tilney?! I may be wrong of course, I shall pass better judgement after completing the novel.

What I adore about the book I bought is the cover! It totally doesn't look like a stuffy boring Lit text, it's pretty and pink and disguises itself as chick lit! Lemme see, here's a pic of it:-

It's published by Headline Books, and not, you know, those mainstream Lit text suppliers like Puffin. I like the word 'puffin' btw. It is so cute. Puffin. Puffin. Muffin. Mmm. I must bake muffins like I used to. They're very easy to bake and yummy. Puffin. Puffin is such a cute word.

Oh yes I found something exceedingly funny yesterday. In the middle of Econs tutorial, Kenneth randomly said, "What is Jiayun's Chinese name? Jiayun," and for some reason (despite its lameness) I found it so funny, I LOLed like hell through those last minutes of Econs and through lunch, haha.

Arm is much better now, is still in sling because of doctor's orders to have it there for a week more to be sure, but mobility is still limited. I can't reach up or behind, and it is still sore. And sleeping still sucks because certain sleeping positions make it hurt even more. On the flipside, have an MC from PE (because if I do any strenuous stuff, the two bones'll get further apart and all the healing would've been for naught) till 20th September. Now if only I could find that MC. Hm.

2007-08-21T17:05:00.000+08:00

"I suppose there are rough moments, but you live for the ones that make the whole journey worthwhile."

Awww. My inspirational SMS for the day. (: That's from Kerry.

So I went to the hospital today, got some X-rays done and all. The docs just needed to see if it was healing in the right way, if the two bones were growing in the wrong way, they needed to operate so that I wouldn't be, like, permanently like this. Turns out it's growing in the right way, and I don't need to go for surgery but stick it out for a couple more weeks. The doctor was really cool. He went, "I mean, I'm a surgeon. It would be in my best interest to get you to operate because that means I'll get paid more. But I'm telling you, why operate when the outcome if you operate and if you don't are the same?" (: Now that's blunt honesty. Cool doctor. So I have to go back next month for a checkup, but other than that, everything's cool. Lol.

I hate the hospital, I see things I don't wanna see. Not just sick people, but stuff right out of, you know, Grey's Anatomy or something. There was this guy in an orange jumpsuit with chains and handcuffs escorted by two policemen. And the other night, there was this crazy (like mentally crazy) guy walking around and the nurses had to like get him to stick to his wheelchair. Grr, I don't like the hospital. ):

Oh and the popiah at Changi General is really good. Some stall called Qiji. Mmm.

2007-08-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

Can you tell I'm going crazy over HSM2?!

Haha, that's my desktop btw. (:

2007-08-21T09:48:00.000+08:00

"Death means nothing when compared to what precedes it. Disappointment means nothing compared to the hope that comes before it."
-Alfred Lovejoy, alter-ego of Luna's father in House Unity: Questions, by where_is_truth on portkey.org.

2007-08-21T08:19:00.000+08:00

My arm is getting better though mobility is still limited. But I can do things I couldn't do three days ago so that's good. (: I'm going to CGH again later so I'm at home now.

My dad bought himself a DVD recorder thingy so he could record stuff that he misses. He recorded this interview he had on Akhir Kata on Suria and came into my room going:

Mariam, you want to watch my interview on TV!

Me: *Reading D/G.com fic* Uhhh, no.

Ayah: C'mon la!

Me: *Gets off comp* Ughhh. Okay.

So I went to the parents' room where Ayah was fiddling with his new toy, trying to figure out how to use it and all. I swear we watched that interview like 4 times while he was trying to figure out how to label the chapter. But secretly of course I was really proud of him and all la, just that I can't show it or he'll be even more kembang, his ego is big enough, thank you. This I have learnt from my mother a long time ago. I know both my parents are really smart and I should be too, live up to their expectations and all. And if I do as well as they did academically, I'd be really happy.

My dad has a Masters in Environmental Science, and I'm an Arts student lol. But Ayah can talk about lots of KIish things and stuff, we have lots of non-Sciencey books. I tried reading Ayah's copy of Plato's Republic but I couldn't understand the first chapter so I put it down. ):

19 more days to HSM2! I think by the time HSM2 comes out in Singapore, I'd have memorized and gotten a tad sick of all the songs (:

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way.

2007-08-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

Je suis confus, je ne sais pas comment je dois repondre.
Si je fais quelquechose, je ne sais pas son reaction. Qu'est-ce qu'elle ferra?
Dois-je mentir???

Aide-moi, quelqu'un.

I'm not going to be in school tomorrow, I'm going to go see the bone specialist. Grr. Hopefully everything'll be fine soon, because having to live with only one arm sucks. You can't do the most basic of things, and I really have newfound respect for the handicapped.

And hi Natalie (: I was just a bit steamed over what happened Friday. But should be okay now, I got Han Liang to give me all the notes so we can see what's missing and stuff. So everything should be okay. Yup.

2007-08-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

I bought a water pillow today, heh.

mandyanne you are the music in me! dit :
i miss the cat high boys (in bishan). ):
Jelyn Lee dit :
and i miss you
Jelyn Lee dit :
*eew*

Old friends are best. (: I love how I've seen some of my closer friends change and grow right along with me. It's really cool, and I adore everyone of them. I'm not generally someone who hates people, but there are some things that are just plain unforgivable.

So people said it was inevitable, I guess it was. I wonder where it'll go from here.

2007-08-18T21:34:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone listen up! This is an important announcement!

If you guys all help contribute some money and we can get $32, Kai Jie will reprise his cross dressing role from last year's LA Night on Be Yourself Day for charity! The money will be used to plant a tree in Kenya to offset carbon emissions! So it's all for a good cause!

Spread the word and let me know if you wanna contribute!

2007-08-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

Okay so fineee. Everyone else has watched HSM2 cause they all have subscriptions for Disney Channel and I don't, pouts. I love the songs, I've been listening to them! (: And I think the whole Zanessa thing is uber cute, I don't wanna believe those tabloids when they say Zac's dumped her for Nikki, NO NO NOOOOO. Looks like I'll have to get my HSM fix when the DVD/VCD comes out then. Oh and since Nicholas says he learns 'cheem words' from my blog, here're some I learnt from some SAT vocabulary lists recently, and I like the sound of them! (Yes I am a freak, I like the way words sound.)
punitive (ooh.)
pejorative
facetious
capricious (OMG THIS IS SOOOOOO CUTE RIGHT!)

Go look them up, Nick! (:

You Are The Music In Me!

(EDIT: I realised that the August 17th thing was only applicable in the US, so everyone here in Singapore hasn't watched it yet! Yay! It's gonna come out 9th September, and I'll be watching at Farah's house! Thanks Farah! (: Oh oh and Gotta Go My Own Way the video is so so sad! ): TroyGabriella forever!)

2007-08-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

It's past midnight, and guess where I just got back from. Yay, the hospital, one of my least favourite places on earth (that's why I avoid it). But today I hurt my arm. I slipped and fell and I thought it was a dislocation. My sister tried popping it back but she couldn't feel a dislocation. But I insisted that one was up and other down so that's got to be a dislocation. So my parents brought me to CGH, and after X-rays and stuff, the doctors told me that one of the bones that was supposed to be connected to another bone sprang up so there's a gap there where it's supposed to be touching. So it's supposedly a separation. So I'm supposed to leave it to heal for a week, then I'm going to go see a bone specialist so she can decide whether a surgery is needed. When the doctor told me, "For most of these cases, we usually advote surgery,", I was like uh oh she said the S word (the word that always means trouble on Grey's Anatomy). But she said they can only be sure after a week of arm in freaking sling. The sling sucks, it's one of those rudimentary blah cloth ones, not the nice professional one I got when I went to TAN TOCK SENG in P5 when I sprained my arm. Why can't CHANGI GENERAL gimme a proper sling eh? Well, can't really blame them, it was 11 at night so getting one may have been an issue or something.

And it's my right arm too FYI, whoopee. This completely sucks. My shoulder hurts like hell.

I'm still gonna freaking go to school, even though the doctor said I could stay home and rest if I wanted. I'm like no way, not this close to promos. What I'm more worried about is what a loser I'm gonna look like. And that bitch I was talking about two posts ago? SHE'S gonna start laughing that asanine laugh of hers, and call me names, and generally be, you know, herself. A big ugly bitch. And she's gonna accuse me of faking it, and if she does and I hear about it, I will personally separate HER arm or all her other body parts or something. I'm still effing pissed off at her. And like I said, sucks to go for lessons with her. Cause now she'll say I'm fat, ugly AND disabled and pathetic. Well, sucks to you man, I'll still be able to TALK and LEARN.

Okay I really should stop having a Riga mentality about her and try to move towards normalizing relations. I shall be, um, Carter. Yup. But I hate Carter, he was such a wuss, a stepping stone, and interim for Reagan. I <3 Reagan, yes I do. I remember when I told Marcay last year after History that I liked General McArthur more than stupid Eisenhower in a WWII video, McArthur was cuter. But I don't like McArthur anymore after Korea, because HE was responsible for misadventure towards China. Okay, no one understands this, never mind. I'm going to sleep, it's gonna be verry uncomfortable. ):

2007-08-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

It seems Mr. Tan is quite revered.

Jelyn Lee dit :
mr tan...tell him jelyn is so sad that he's leaving. so sad that she is going to cry out loud.
mandyanne dit :
you are?!
Jelyn Lee dit :
afterall he was my LA teacher for 2 years. not easy for him.
mandyanne dit :
ya, i'm quite sure you'll miss him very much.
Jelyn Lee dit :
of course!

His nick means 'you are going to leave us. Goodbye, the best teacher I've known. We love you very much. (all familiar you)'

The pink parts are French, our original convo.

mandyanne <3 dit :
qui? who?
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit : (:
mandyanne <3 dit :
qui est le meilleur prof? who is the best teacher?
mandyanne <3 dit :
MR. BALA?!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
non?! tu es fou?! no?! are you stupid?!
mandyanne <3 dit :
hahaha.
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
il y a seulement un professeur. it is only a teacher.
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
un professuer jeune. a young teacher.
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit : (:
mandyanne <3 dit :
um.
mandyanne <3 dit :
miss wong?
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
!!!!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
NO!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
good try
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
keep it up
mandyanne <3 dit :
hahahaha merci thank you
mandyanne <3 dit :
umm. je ne sais pas! i don't know!
mandyanne <3 dit :
un prof de chinois? a chinese teacher?
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
NON! no!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
ANGLAIS! english!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
et KI (: and KI
mandyanne <3 dit :
oh. oh.
mandyanne <3 dit :
TU AIMES MR TAN?! YOU LOVE MR TAN?!
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit : (:
mandyanne <3 dit :
erm, d'accord. erm, okay.
[kaijie] Tu vas nous quitter. Au revoir, Le meilleur professeur que j'ai connu. Nous t'aimons beaucoup. dit :
il est mon cherie! he is my darling!
mandyanne <3 dit :
OMG I AM SO QUOTING YOU ON THAT!

2007-08-11T18:00:00.001+08:00

I just found the most wonderful bread to ever grace this side of the planet.

My mum bought it from Giant today, and it's called Ciabatta.

"It is not clear where in Italy this kind of bread was first produced, and at least one type of ciabatta can be found in nearly every region of Italy. The ciabatta from the area encompassing Lake Como has a crisp crust, a somewhat soft, porous texture, and is light to the touch. The ciabatta found in Tuscany, Umbria, and Marche varies from bread that has a firm crust and dense crumb, to bread that has a crisper crust and more open texture. The more open-crumbed form, which is usual in the United States, is made from a very wet dough, often requiring machine-kneading, and a sourdough starter."

It has the exact right amount of crisp in its crust and chewiness. Marc has this favourite question, if you had $100 to spend as you wish, would you spend it on food or clothes? He'd spend it on food, and why I wouldn't is because I don't think expensive food makes for the best gastronomical experience. It's in the simple things: milk, honey, butter, bread. Give me these four things, and I'll be happy for life. (x

2007-08-11T16:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I can go for Debate Wednesday.

I already know my role.

Resident Nobody.

I'M NOBODY, YOU HEAR ME?

Who am I even shouting to anymore? Debate's draining all my emotional energy, and I'm not even doing anything in Debate. Oh wait, that's exactly why it's draining all my emotional energy.

2007-08-10T19:02:00.000+08:00

I gave you all of
Me. All I asked in return
Was recognition.

I suppose they gave
A lot more than I did, huh?
Thanks for playing me.

Three years of service
Has yielded nothing. Reflects
How you value me.

2007-08-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

31 Jul 07, 23:50anon:

"lmao you losers make me laugh. living in a life full of delusion. do u know that u TA ppl are ****en outcast in the sku? people hate you guys get it? dont act as if you're bigshots and own the place, cos u guys didnt take o levels and got here easily. say i got no balls? look whos talking dont even have balls to take olvl and get in tj like normal ppl Losers with a capital L.i seek attn? stupid statement, if i do i wont be posting here but on some famous blog. get real dude, i just letting you guys know the situation"

Even though this guy tagged (and has been tagging) on Gavin's blog and I'm not particularly close to Gavin, I was majorly pissed off when I read all that he'd wrote because he was essentially insulting me and my cohort as well. It's gotten Gavin's friends and fellow TA3s in a bunch too, and for obvious reasons. Let's deal with the flaws in this guy's, uh, it would be an insult to the word argument to call this an argument. Debate-style. (:

Prop 1
Conclusion/Assertion: TA people don't deserve to be in TJC.

Premise 1: u TA ppl are ****en outcast in the sku. Translation for people who can't stand bad English - TA students are outcasts in the school, which will henceforth be referred to as "TJC".

Alright, if what you say is true, then why is it I've got lots of friends from J1, this year's, last year's, the year before, and the year before? We all do, actually, especially people from the same PDP and stuff. There've even been TA-mainstream relationships, which just goes to show that we can't possibly be outcasts.

Also, if we're outcasts, why is it that so many TA3s are now in key positions in their PDPs? Let's see, we control LEO Club, the largest PDP in TJ, Soccer, Debate, First Aid, the list goes on. In order to get votes, we need to get along with others, right? If we get along with others, how can we be outcasts? Doesn't make sense, does it?

Premise 2: u guys didnt take o levels and got here easily. Translation - You didn't take our O levels and thus we had an easy way into TJC.

I'll bet you a million bucks, that if we'd taken 'O's, more than half of us would've gotten into TJ anyway. Some of us might even be in RJ or HC. One of the reasons the tutors are so proud of our batch is because they think we're the most driven, self-motivated batch. And I think it's true, a lot of the friends I have in TA3 especially are so disciplined with their learning and they're really smart too. If we weren't smart, why'd we do better than the mainstream in our JCTs? Why'd the top 2 spots go to TA3s, with many other TA3s in top positions? It's a complete insult to imply that we're stupid, because even if some of us weren't brilliant, we more than make up for it with plain old hard work and dedication.

Secondly, you have no idea how high expectations are for us. Even if our tutors aren't constantly reminding us of it, our peers are. During our recent cohort meeting for example, Mr. Bala distinctly told us that we should be operating at a B grade, and if we were getting Cs, Ds and Es, we needed to pull up our socks. One of the things I love about TA is the healthy competitive spirit for everything. We compete, sure, but if someone's lagging behind, we help them up and spur them on. The PE Dept's commended us on it before, and it applies for studies too. We work hard, and we play hard too.

Premise 3: dont even have balls to take olvl and get in tj like normal ppl. Translation - You didn't have the balls to take our O levels and get into TJC like normal people, who shall henceforth be referred to as "the mainstream".

It requires balls to take O levels? I didn't know that, then I definitely wouldn't have taken any, I'm a girl. Cringes aside, let me just point out that we did do our compulsory O level paper Mother Tongue and I took my French paper along with some others too. And we did pretty well.

Actually, here you're going a little off-tangent. You've gone from criticising the people in the system to criticising the system itself. You can't shift position like that in a debate, mind you. Point's'll be deducted for poor strategy.

And it's true, we didn't get into TJ like normal people. Precisely because we're special, elite, a little different in that sense. Don't get jealous. And just because we got into TJ through IP doesn't mean it wasn't hard, competitive and equally tough to get in. We had to go through the application process, paperwork, tests, interviews, the works. And only 1/4 of those who applied got in, which shows that it was just as competitive as it was for mainstreamers. We deserve our place here, we've worked hard for it and the fact that we're from TA doesn't make us any less TJCian than you. In fact, we're better TJCians because we care for others, something you obviously haven't demonstrated by doing this.

Assumption: i just letting you guys know the situation. Translation - I am/was just letting you guys know the real situation.

Trust me, that isn't the real situation. People don't hate us, and to think otherwise just means that you're like, you know, Holocaust deniers or something.

Spelling and grammar issues: I am a complete Grammar Nazi, I can't stand when people abuse good language. I'm one of those types who correct someone instinctively when they commit a grammar or spelling error, I can't help it. That's one of the reasons why I got so pissed off when I saw this complete desecration of the pure English language. I can understand when people use short forms to make life easier, and quaint colloquial terms and phrasings are fine, but when sentences border incoherence and do not communicate effectively (which is the entire point of language, really), I'd definitely consider that poor use of language. It also greatly undermines the credibility of your, uhm, argument.

Therefore, it is quite clear, ladies and gentlemen, that the Proposition's argument, if you may call it an argument, is highly fallacious and flawed, based on assumptions and prejudices that lack proof and substantiation.

Don't let him get away with this, ladies and gentlemen. Go with the Opposition.

2007-08-09T08:38:00.000+08:00

Guess what? (:

I've proven the seniors wrong yay yay! (:

I'm not emotional anymore! (:

I'm emotionless. (:

And I'm wearing this mask of happiness that I've worn for ages so no one can tell, and they can continue lying to what they think is my face, but is actually my mask. (:

I don't know if they know how messed up I've become and the consequences of what they didn't take as seriously as they should've. (:

But now my family hates me too (again) and I can't stand coming home. (:

So now the score reads: Mariam hates going to school and Mariam hates coming home. (:

Mariam should just rot and die and no one would care. (:

After all, they've all just been using Mariam, and when Mariam is of no use anymore, they will chuck her away like an old rag doll. (:

2007-08-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's PM Lee ASEAN Lecture was really nice.

On the bus, we all got a little tipsy. Mr. Hasim'd told us to spray perfume before getting there, so I sprayed some of mine. Then I sprayed Daisy. She squealed "FUCK!" and we all gasped ahahaha. Stop swearing, Lu Huiyi! (: Esti commented that it "smelt so Mariam" ahahaha! Then Melody got a little trigger-happy and sprayed everyone. She took my bottle and sprayed Lester, Kenneth, Jonathan, Jeff and Kiran's other friend. Jonathan was like "ugh, it's such a feminine smell" lol. But hey! Chin uses that deo as well! Oh but wait. Chin's FABULOUS Chin, LOL.

I didn't meet the PM up close, but his manner of speaking is very charismatic, more so when he's in the flesh. His speech on ASEAN only lasted 20 minutes, and the Q&A session only saw the PM taking 4 questions. He answered all of them pretty well though. My melancholy and teary mood faded when we got to the reception! The food was excellent, even better than the food at the Istana! (PM more important than President mah.) The CHEESECAKE OMG IS TO DIE FOR. I had some, and had an epiphany of sorts. I told Kiran, "Kiran! OMG the cheesecake is so good, I just had an orgasm!" and The Face showed why she's called The Face.

After it all, Gladia and I took the MRT home and on the way we met Yixiu, Michael and Aishah, who'd just been to some PW seminar. Michael was reading the 8 Days that he quoted today lol. Oh yeah and speaking of quoting, guess who told Hui Min that lame joke at morning assembly, the one about yoghurt and being cultured. Ahahaha, Mr. Hasim'd sent that in one of his SMSes to Jelyn and I found it really funny LOL. SO. Anyway. The MRT people told us to get off at Tanah Merah, something was wrong apparently, so Glad and I got off and we cabbed home. (: We plan to walk home from school someday, we've planned out the route already lol.

Nat Day celebrations today were quite cool, better than last year's! (: The march past contigent's timing was way off, and they weren't in sync, but that's about the only issue I had with it. The concert hosted by Farah and Michael, who were really funny and cute. The play by the Drama club was done really well, with some really good acting from a SICK Bernice (you couldn't even tell when she was onstage, really!) and the ever-cute Nicholas who I adore to teensy tiny bits. The sing along I told Marc I wanted was there, and it was very fun. Performances by Band and Wushu were pretty cool too! The attempt at "I Live In Singapura" by the four House Caps was disgusting though. It was so obvious they hadn't practised and it felt so halfhearted they shouldn't have even bothered in the first place, it was just plain annoying. Mass dance after was fun, could've been funner if I had closer friends to dance with, EVERYONE LEFT AH. ):

Played frisbee with Syak and Zihui while waiting for Marc to be debriefed, that was fun! :D

I went to watch The Simpsons Movie after, it was absolutely hilarious and filled with political satire, so it wasn't all stupid. (: 1220h-1340h is 1h20, that's how long we take to eat lunch, Marcay! You eat slow! It was so funny, the main courses came and we'd barely touched our soup. (: And Ethan is a cute name, isn't it Marc? Lol.

I always feel like such a loser even though my friends keep telling me how much I'm worth. Like Chin said, I feel wronged. But I'm constantly trying, and something tells me I'll come to my senses.

I just watched another Petronas ad, http://youtube.com/watch?v=zRdIQ0Pqz5k. I'm a sucker for Petronas ads. This one's in Malay, but basically the kid prays for his dad, who's a sailor out at sea, to come home safely for Hari Raya and he does. Then the kid sees an ad about orphans on TV too and he starts to pray. His dad comes over and asks what he's doing and he goes "I'm praying for their dads to come home for Raya too." AHHHHHHH SO CUTE.

Take my test!

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/845158

2007-08-06T23:04:00.001+08:00

I think I'm fine now again. I've cooled down. (:

I will learn to love _, like the others.

PM Lee's talk tomorrow, and movie Wednesday! This week rocks.

2007-08-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

I was trying to stop swearing and all, but I made that resolution before all this happened. Thus I am entitled to swear.

I thought I was okay. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I got pissed off.

I called him tonight. The call was quite productive, at least I am assured he didn't do it just for the portfolio and that he's serious and means well. And he ran because he "was drifting away from debate and wanted to get closer", which is fine. I told him I don't doubt that he'd do a fine job and that it was good that we talked so that he got my side of the story as well.

He needs to work on his interpersonal skills if he's gonna do a good job looking after club welfare though. Constructive criticism.

I know I thought I would be more mature than this, but I'm going to just avoid the seniors like they're the viral plague or something. I pretended not to see Nigel today, and I think I shall do that tomorrow and Wednesday too. They can't expect me not to be upset and affected, after all they're the ones who know me so well, righttt. They think I'm too emotional and all. But if I wasn't this affected by their decision, I would have been lying all along about how much debate means to me, and I wouldn't have done it any other way. I gave my best, and if that wasn't enough then, that's entirely their decision. I trust democracy enough to accept, but I can't help feeling very Al Gore-ish.

And everyone's talking about PDP Excos and stuff, and it hurts so bad, like someone's stuck a knife in my heart and is twisting it.

I snapped at people today. I was irritable. I got annoyed at Melody when she started presenting to Mr. Tan and Mr. Thompson instead of to the class. I called people selfish bitches behind their backs. Other times, I hid my anger and sadness and pretended to be happy, like people think I'm supposed to be.

On a lighter note, I passed all my 5 items for NAPFA, even Standing Broad Jump, so now all that's left is 2.4 (:

Line up, line up, flame me anonymously or no. Tell me all about how much you hate me, you think I'm stupid, I'm a fat bitch, I'm a fake bimbo, I should go and die etc. etc. Tell me, I can take it. Because right now, I'd believe it all if you said it. My self-esteem is that low. I'm down in the dumps.

2007-08-04T20:38:00.000+08:00

I grew an eternity in one night.

I didn't keep all my promises to Nat, but I know I've done my best and there's nothing else I could've done to changed what happened.

I'm accepting all this ridiculously quickly thanks to all my lovely friends. (x

PW meeting in the morning with my <3 PW group Michelle, Grace, Kenneth, Natalie was soo fun. Michelle's place is so cool, the view is to die for. I think I really like my PW group, with all the different people coming together, it's very amusing. (:

Visit to ACM for the Beauty in Asia exhibit for KI Aesthetics presentation with Hui Min, Bernice and Olivia! I had lunch at The Soup Spoon, just soup and bread, but it's so surprisingly filling! I'm still full, 9 hours later! We met Kerry there. Mr. Tan and Mr. Hasim had just come ten minutes before us, so we met them in the gallery. Numerous exhibits, endless scribbling and hundreds of brain cells used later, we wound up at Bugis Macs discussing points. By then, we were completely zonked. Took the MRT to Pasir Ris with Hui Min, who was going to Pasir Ris Park for Council Day.

So I sufficiently distracted myself for the whole day.

"You are officially much more mature than you were before. Not saying that you were immature lah, just that you are more mature." (x My amusing and significant SMS of the day.

Off to settle debate accounts for the farewell. Even though I won't be recognised officially, I'll still give my all to debate for you guys, this much I've told you. (:

2007-08-04T02:15:00.000+08:00

I've learnt the meaning of true friendship.

I am so grateful for all my friends right now, more grateful than ever before, for all the concern they've just showed me and how they've told me how highly they value and regard me. It's really saved me from doing stupid things that I would've done had they not smsed and called me, telling me everything they felt frankly. It's so much appreciated beyond what words can say, but I shall attempt to anyway.

This is to Weiting who smsed me right after, Chin who was very very worried about me, Huiyi who really really cared and told me things that I really wasn't aware of and heartened me, Evelyn, who always offers words of wisdom, Marc who sticks by me through everything - I really appreciate your time and advice - and most of all, Kerry, with whom I've grown the most with; I would never have imagined having the relationship we do now, but the travails, hardships, even failures that we've gone through together, sticking by each other, no matter how cliched it sounds, has developed both of us and our friendship into a true one. And I can truly say (without just throwing the word around as Marc accuses me of doing) that I love and care about you a lot.

Your friendships and how much you value and regard me is worth more than any portfolio writeoff any day. I really truly love all of you, and I think we've all gone past that stage of superficial friendship and realised what true friendship really means. Especially when I know we're all concerned about each other. Like my dad said, true love's when you lose sleep worrying about the welfare of someone else. That's what you guys did, even if you didn't mean to, and that, I think, showed true love. Friendship is, after all, a type of love, vastly different from romantic love, but love nonetheless.

I know I am loved, and that's what keeps me going.

That, and tomorrow's dinner and Wednesday's outing and break. (x I'm going to go watch The Simpsons Movie! For laughs, and maybe to review too for my column.

2007-07-31T17:58:00.000+08:00

I am sick today, with the flu. I sneezed my way through Hasim history, KI and Double Econs. Mr Marcus Tan made the formal announcement about his departure at the end of the term today (like we didn't already know).

Mr. Tan: "I'm sorry I can't see you through to A levels."

-awkward silence-

Mariam: "Is this the part where we're supposed to cry?"

...

Yes, I am the most insensitive jerk on the face of the planet. But I said that while I was flu-ey and delirious and feverish, so those should also be taken into account as mitigating circumstances. I told Kenneth today that we should, like, throw him a huge going away party, and Kenneth shook his head no. A dinner? No. A big present? No. So he's just gonna leave quietly, and there goes the man who taught me how to actually write properly, disciplined my writing, shaped the growth of the maturity in my arguments and was the only tutor in TJ I really had immense respect for (and slight fear of).

I spent a few hours in the Sick Bay after Double Econs because there was no frigging way I was doing a Lit Timed Assignment in the state I was in, even though I did study for it. Farah was in there with me too, and we had the weirdest conversations because I was so delirious. She had a copy of Temasek Times so I went, "TT has gotten PG. There're 2 kissing pics in it. Harry Potter and you and Michael." She goes, "But Michael and I aren't kissing." So I go, "But it's close enough." Pause. "Michael is really cute." Pause. "Augghhh, forget I just said that, I'm delirious."

Remembering that I'm in a Sick Bay and I'm supposed to be resting, I go, "I shall go to sleep now, and when I wake up, I shall be sane." Farah gives me a pointed look and goes, "Mariam, even before you were ill, you were never sane." Lol.

When I say "heyy" to you, I'm really saying "I love you so much, let's go to a cozy cafe somewhere and gaze at each other and talk at length about life. I'll giggle and you'll grin, and we'll be perfectly happy."

Oh yeah and sidenote to Marc, don't take what those idiots said seriously for a minute. You're twice the man they'll ever be, okay! And you're "hormonally stable", ahaha. (:

2007-07-29T21:01:00.000+08:00

I gasped dramatically a minute ago when I realised that I do not have the Hilary Duff songs from Metamorphosis (her first CD) on my iTunes when I had the urge to listen to "Love Just Is". Thankfully, the original CD (from eons ago, yes) was within reach, so I popped it in and I'm now listening to the sweet bubblegummy goodness.

Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for
Love just is

Ahh the innocence.

2007-07-29T19:44:00.000+08:00

My daddy's definition of True Love - when you lose sleep over someone else worrying about their safety and well-being.

I love my daddy! (:

2007-07-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

We must go watch High School Musical 2, Fatimah! I don't care if we have O Levels or Promos or whatever coming up, Troy, Gabriella, Taylor and Chad call out to me!

2007-07-28T18:59:00.000+08:00

I am reduced to Techno. Yes, I like LazyTown. It's very fun!

I like this song best. Have You Ever! http://youtube.com/watch?v=zaF9BVOx6B4 Someone gimme the soundtrack for my birthday!

2007-07-28T09:44:00.000+08:00

I should be doing the pile of homework on my table instead of reading I Have Never Felt Your Fear (by Echo) and doing silly little quizzes, ahahahaha.

This is a good example of a pie chart for your Written Report.

Family is most important in your life.

Having a high focus on family indicates that you are a loving and nurturing person. You want to have a nice big family of your own, and you are very close with your siblings and parents.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

2007-07-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

I'm hopelessly in love with you.

Like I've said before, you make me grin like an idiot in the middle of a store and everyone's staring at me but I don't care because you've made me the happiest person on earth.

2007-07-22T18:08:00.000+08:00

I absolutely adore my D/G community for times like these. They really know how to cheer fellow fangirls up (:

You Know You're Obsessed with Harry Potter, but Hated Deathly Hallows When...

1. You refuse to see any of the forthcoming movies until they fix this monstrosity *hopefully by pairing Draco with Ginny, resulting in many PHBs

2. You refuse to believe any of the unnecessary deaths in DH actually took place and insist they've all gone on a very long vacation

3. You finished DH, set the book down, and waited for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of your closet screaming, "You've Just Been Punk'd Sucker!"

4. You considered spending your life's savings on buying an immediate airplane ticket to Scotland so that you may track JK down, hand her back the book, and ask incredulously "are you kidding me?"

5. Your sole purpose in life has now become to rewrite the entire book (or even just the ending) of DH to set right all that has been destroyed

6. You come up with crazy conspiracy theories involving JK being abducted by aliens who then write their own attempt of DH just to cover their tracks

7. You attempted to Avada Kedavra the book once you were done

8. You wish you can Oblivate yourself, so you think you've never read the epilogue

And yes, Delusional is my new middle name. Miss Fangirlia Delusional Squee. No, it is not a weird name. It's Swiss. Ahahaha. Start calling me Fangirlia, okay!

2007-07-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

My sister's coming to TA. Oh dear. ):

K is getting cuter and cuter each time I look. (:

2007-07-17T17:26:00.000+08:00

I can't believe how annoying I used to be to Char and Sean, bangs head on wall. I just looked at some of my old posts and I wondered what the hell possessed me to think that way.

So my apologies, to Charlene Fu. And to Sean as well, for my pedantic annoyingness.

2007-07-17T14:36:00.000+08:00

I am glad I am okay now, just in time for my birthday. Thank you to those who've put up with me and showed real concern, I love you guys (:

Thanks Marc and Heidi for listening to me in the wee hours of the morning or in school and offered, thank you Evelyn for your wise and encouraging words, thank you Melody, Huiyi, Kerry for your concern.

And most of all, I love you Nigel, for knowing me better than I knew myself on this, and putting things in perspective. (But not the way Elis does of course, I meant in a friend sorta way lol.)

I'll finally go back to being happy me, and I won't piss off my family by being mopey and mysterious and snappy anymore yay!

2007-07-13T18:56:00.000+08:00

Someone said they wanted to talk to me, but they're avoiding me, and it makes me feel weird.

Yes, I can be super paranoid.

Oh and I feel really bad. I said something without thinking. Kongmeng and Wynne and some other music people were crossing the road, and I was too from the other side going away from school and KM goes "aren't you going for GP lecture?" and I said really loudly because we were walking away from each other "sucks to you, i take KI!" which I regretted upon saying it, but I couldn't apologise because he was so far away. ): Sorry Kongmeng! Was really rude of me.

2007-07-13T18:53:00.000+08:00

Am on the brink of insanity. I hate coming home, I want to stay out. But no one's gonna hang out with me, everyone's busy.

I really really hate coming home. "I hate this house."

I hate coming home to this.

I want to run away, forget all my troubles and join the circus.

2007-07-12T17:23:00.000+08:00

I found out my overall results today, and I was quite pleased for a little bit when I saw that I passed everything except for Math, which I got a U, but that was so expected because I obviously didn't study lol. I thought I would fail Lit and History for sure because of the dismal marks I got for those essays, but after moderation and class participation marks, I passed but not very well. But I'm counting my blessings here so yay! (: KI's my best subject, followed by Econs, which is really fun because those are the two subjects I enjoy studying the most. I'm really happy for people like Melody and Kerry who did really really well (they are smart people, and scholars for a reason, but still! Good job, right? Yayyy.) and though I didn't do too well, I'm going to really pull up my socks (not literally of course, that's so eww.) and buck up for promos.

Right then, I've got to write something about yesterday's movie, more later!

2007-07-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

Okay yay I just wasted thirty cents booking tickets for tomorrow's sneaks and I shall go with my two lovers ooh. Yes, be jealous, I'm going with my TWO love interests, ahah, very scandalous. AND NOT FURQAN ALL YOU DEBATE PEOPLE AHAHAHAHA. I sought the blessings of the Kerry (insert heavenly chorus here ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) of course and she said okay if I wanted to and HELL DO I WANT TO WOOHOOOOOOOOOO.

And my parents won't kill because Wednesday is when they BOTH teach till late so ladeedaaa *peers round innocently like the cherubic wonderful angelic being that I am*. (insert another heavenly chorus here okay, I really feeeeel it coming on now ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) Okay random. But I am very happy so the ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs just keep coming on.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is my ending ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2007-07-10T19:26:00.000+08:00

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHEONIX, I DEMAND TO WATCH SOON OR PEOPLE WILL PAY. Ahahahahahahaha.

I stayed up watching all the red carpet interviews, the Phelps twins are the cutest! And Bonnie looks so different in Formal, she actually looks like a girl lol. I REALLY REALLY hope Harry and Ginny don't get together AGAIN in HP7 or I will like kill, because it was bad enough in HBP. I HATE HBP, so emo! ):

I shall, like, go to GV online or something and get tickets. Or I shall go Princess. Lol.

2007-07-09T22:56:00.000+08:00

Everywhere I go in my tablet, I'm reminded of it, and it's very painful. I type in 'Gmail' in my URL thingy, and out pops 'Gmail - TJC U16 Debate Invitational Adjudicating' (which I screwed up as well, if you remember). I just feel very shortchanged and... used. Manipulated, fooled. I've talked to some people (people who actually care) about it, but it still doesn't take away the way I feel.

Someone called and asked me if I was okay about a week ago. Of course I'm not, you daft twit. I'm upset. That's how you'd feel too, if someone made you go for stuff and wasted your time when you could've done more meaningful things. Melody never went for June trainings, look what that got her.

I've wasted far too much time on debate, and my dedication and passion for so long has been so unappreciated and gone so unrecognised I'm hating myself for wasting so much of myself on it.

Of course I'd never talk to you about it directly. In case you haven't noticed, you're not very good at handling these kind of situations, and I don't want to make it unconfortable.

Eve told me not to measure my self worth by this setback and my abilities, but it's very hard, especially when so much of my JC life has been spent on it.

And like I told Marc, I've never had a backup plan unlike the rest of you guys, and I've got nothing to show on my CV for all those long hours spent, wasted.

But it's okay. I've accepted how utterly worthless I am, and I'm putting up a big smile on my face and all my bimbo acts to cover up. Yes, that fake front again.

I'm glad I'm crying this all out here and now, it feels much better than to have it all bottled up and to use evasive language. And my birthday's coming up and I feel like utter complete crap.

At least now I really know who my real friends are, those I can really turn to especially at a time like this, and for that I am grateful. And I know no one really cares, because as I've mentioned earlier I'm completely worthless, but it's nice to let it all out, knowing that I'm baring my soul to, well, no one, because no one actually reads all this mopey stuff because it clashes with the 'teddies'. And no, I do not hate you dear please don't say that, I hate myself.

Howard really didn't have to say all that Saturday at Hwa Chong, he said it without saying it on Wednesday. And if you notice, I'd been upset and mopey since the Friday before. So he didn't really have to be so nice, it just made it more painful.

So for the past few debate sessions, I haven't even bothered. I just don't care anymore. I was never ever good at debate. HANSEL NG SHIJIE won B div, because HE wrote all my speeches except for semis, which I screwed up anyway with a horrible start, and I acknowledge how bad it was now for real and face up to it because I'm churning out truthfully my lack of worth as a debater. Oh wait, I was never a debater, I was a wannabe, because I'm so horribly stupid, I flunked my JCTs, did badly most of my TA papers, just passed my TK papers. Maybe I'll do a Farid and quit school. Hell knows I'm hopeless at schoolwork anyway. Or maybe I could transfer. I just want to stay at home and mope and cry and do housework and stuff to forget about it. I hope I fall ill or break a kneecap or tear a ligament or something so I could go to hospital and mope and not see everything that reminds me of debate.

But all that would be running away, and I'm trying to be brave about it. Then again, I've never really succeeded in anything in my life, so why should this be an exception?

2007-07-08T19:18:00.000+08:00

I'm absolutely estatic. I'm so full of happiness I could burst.

I'VE READ SHOPAHOLIC AND BABY AND IT WAS SO WONDERFUL YAYYYYYYY (: (: (: I ABSOLUTELY ADORE ZAFIRAH MD ZEIN FOR LENDING IT TO ME, I LOVE YOU ZAFZAF YOU WONDERFUL RGS GIRL YOU HAHA.

I got the absolute coolest birthday card for someone, not telling who! Ahahaha. It's 123 plus 4 months lol. And I think the present suits that person's personality, really. I'm really happy with my choice yay.

And I adore adore adore my pretty new Charles and Keith bag, I'm going to use it in school!

2007-07-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

SO DAMN CUTE LAAA. Don't YOU wanna have kids when you grow up? "You know, those little things with shoes that go squeak" (Gladia, lol.)

2007-07-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

I'm glad I got to talk to Marc over lunch, it was really cathartic. Thank you Marcayyy, love ya. (:

I am cheering myself up with classic feel good Reese Witherspoon. First thing I did when I got back was to cross the road and get Sweet Home Alabama because I was reading Nora Roberts in the library just now and got the urge to watch that scene when the lawyer rushes in and goes, "he signed them, but YOU didn't!" lol. And Josh Lucas is very very cute in Sweet Home Alabama with his big really really blueeeee eyes, saw him on an Answer The Call ad recently too.

I absolutely LOVE Reese Witherspoon. If Ryan Philippe was cheating on her the way the tabloids say he was, he totally didn't deserve her even though they looked so perfect and cute together.

Chick flicks have never let me down yet. <3<3

2007-07-05T09:55:00.000+08:00

I know, I was never good enough. I've wasted tears over this, when I shouldn't have. But this makes things all the more complicated, and it's affecting my mood, my life, the way I talk to people, everything. It's that serious.

Just a minute ago, someone asked me something about it because he thinks of that when he sees me and I don't know what to feel when he finds out.

Yes, I'm upset and disappointed. You would be too given my position. But I dunno. Maybe I'm overreacting. I need to talk to someone about it but __ is always busy, and when I do catch him, we're not able to talk alone. So it's hard. I need my ___.

2007-07-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

I just talked to Nigel Tan Rong Hui, to whom I have not talked to properly for a very very long time even though I adore him to eetsy bits. He says I should talk to __ and tell __ that I ______________, and get it over and done with so "feelings will wither". Weeelll, why I have never told __ all these years is

1. I didn't want it to get all weird between us as friends. (MAIN REASON)
2. I already know what __ is going to say because we discuss these things as friends, and it's not going to end up the way I'd like it to be.
3. __ is really special and would never react the way a normal teenager his age would, and that's part of what I _________.

I'll just bide my time. I told __ I would tell him on a certain day, and __ will find out.

2007-07-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

Varun says he will make me a skin compatible for both Firefox and IE. (: I don't know about Safari, but the only person who reads this blog and uses Safari is Heidi, so hop over to IE Heyyydehh. (: lol.

2007-07-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

I've decided not to be depressed because it's just not me, and even if I'd been more prepared intellectually or whatever, I wouldn't have done it any other way.

I did it MY WAY.

2007-07-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Kerry Chan, my second! I was so used to calling her 'my second speaker' that at SR quarts, while I was second and Ker first, I went "my second speaker has already shown you-" haha. And after we'd done a survey for Julia Gabriels', she sent me an email berating me for something I wrote in it -

"Realizing that the documents were attached, I perused through them and I just realised you made mention of my licking butter. And 'my second', too.

Excuse me while I compose myself.

HOIWTILSEJFLKSJLWDHLSJDISGISGSDOIUIERUIFJLJKSG

I still cannot believe you wrote that. Haha."

I STILL HAVE THAT EMAIL! (:

We've stuck through thick and thin, and sometimes I think that you're the only one who understands some of the things I say or do. We've done so much together, shared so many inside jokes, sometimes I see things and immediately think of you, do you know? The other day I was at the supermarket and I saw those little coloured fish snacks we had at Edmund's house while prepping for Finals, do you remember? The ones with which you went miaaoooww? Oh and the fact that both of us are still crazy about the guys we were crazy about last year? Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at your place, Cafe Cartel after our museum visit, the hawker centre opposite, to name some places we've eaten together. All these little things that no one else knows makes all the difference.

Kerry Chan Soh Lei, you are too cute for words, I absolutely adore you! I would never hate you, don't be so paranoid!

If only I had a picture of me and you together, but I don't so this shall suffice, I suppose!

(That's you at Pre U Sem by the way, haha.)

I LOVE YOU KERRY, thank you for caring so much. (: Many hugs! <3<3<3>

Don't worry about my being depressed, this is something I have to face myself. (:

2007-07-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

Was revising by watching Goblet of Fire again to prepare for Order of the Pheonix and I just realised that

TOM IS IN AN ALL-BLACK TUX AND IS SOOO HOT AT THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP AHHH.

2007-07-03T20:26:00.001+08:00

Wallets out pre-math JCT!

"How much for 75%? HAHAHAHAHA"

2007-07-03T18:57:00.000+08:00

Home, sick today. Just gave me more time to brood over it.

I'd better just face it, I was wasting my time all along, because I was never good enough.

I'm thinking of just leaving it all, just quitting and chucking it all down the bin in one clean swoop. But I remember a promise I made to someone a year ago, not to quit even when I'm down. But do I really have to keep this promise, considering what this person is to me now, never mind what she was to me in the past? It's impossibly hard to decide, and the future has never looked so bleak to me.

I really do hate __ even though she's one of my closest friends, isn't that ironic?

I don't think a lot of you have ever seen me this depressed.

This is, like, my third depressed woe-to-me post today.

To distract myself, I'm looking forward to -
watching HP5 soon, my Desktop background's a wallpaper of the Weasleys, my favourite characters ever
reading HP7 soon, I need to pay Muddy tmr lol.

I'm indulging in both fanon and canon. Some fans were using the term "fanon canon" on the dracoandginny.com forums to explain the origins of the term Weaselette, and it's super cute because of all the 'n's, lol.

After HP7 comes out, that's pretty much the end of it all.

2007-07-02T20:03:00.001+08:00

I don't want to talk to ___, but I did and of course it's painful but I was glad to get a little out of my system.

As usual, when I'm serious about something, I avoid confrontation by pretending to be frivolous. And it helps that __ never really takes me too seriously. I'm such a coward.

2007-07-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

I am currently very depressed.

That's how you'd feel if something you cared for very passionately will soon be taken away from you.

That's how you'd feel when something you've put in so much effort and time into will all be for naught.

And right now, I have no idea what to do, there's no alternative especially since I've invested so much time in it, and I didn't diversify my time and effort and energy well. I didn't apply what I learnt in Financial Literacy to my life and now, losing those stocks is going to cost me very dearly.

I think only Huiyi knows what I mean.

2007-06-27T19:50:00.000+08:00

Siti Mariam --

[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

WHAT THE AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

Damn funny ah.

Yay, Elis and I will go shopping for my new bag after JCTs! Must save up, yup.

2007-06-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

DON'T YOU THINK ARUN AND ASHWIN LOOK VERY SIMILAR

(L to R, Ash, Arun)

I realised it when Ash walked past my table at breakfast and I was like eh, why's Arun wearing TJ U? Hahaha. Yes, the photo's not very good, my photog skills are bad lol.

2007-06-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

Oh shit, JCTs are looming ahead and I reallly don't think I'm prepared. I wasn't in school for the last two weeks of the term, I was overseas for an entire week during the hols, and I am so so so not ready for JCTs. I'm not. I don't want to take them. I don't. I want to sleep at 2am and wake up late and know that all I have to do is study (with lots of breaks in between, of course!) and I want to watch Remington Steele, but I won't be able to because I'll be in school, ahhhh.

MORE HOLIDAYS PLEASEEE.

Oh yeah, Delifrance serves the best breakfast ever. Was very pleasantly surprised with the little extras in my Le Traditional breakfast, like the eetsy cookie with the tea, and the warm half-tomato with melted cheese and herbs. (: We must meet up more, Heidi!

2007-05-30T06:00:00.001+08:00

Zomg I just re-realised how hot Guillaume Canet is! (: If that name doesn't ring a bell, he's that ultra-cute guy from Jeux D'enfants (Love Me If You Dare) who played Julien. Very very cute ah! If you haven't seen the movie, go Google him, and you'll see for yourself. Or better yet, run out to your nearest Video Ezy and rent it! It's definitely worth the five bucks you pay for rental. (:(:(:

I'm suddenly very very happy because I have Maths and Debate later! I'm still deciding on whether I should go Jurong Island hmm. Let you know when I decide haha.

And yes, I realised that suddenly after Pre U Sem, I started going Zomg, lol. It just slipped out of my mouth and soon I was going Zlet's go! to my roommie Jacq, and she was like, did you just say 'zlet's go'? hahahaha. Everyone's missing Pre U Semmmmm. ): Kerry even has a love.sg5 on her MSN personal message! And everyone else is like oh I miss SG _, I miss Pre U Sem etc etc. Oh yeah, did I mention all the ex-TK girls gathered at the closing ceremony and we did TK cheers and took photos etc! It was sooooo cool, because obviously our cheers were the best in the house, DUH. It's really amazing that I can still remember them, every word, but that's how great TK cheers are, they're the absolute best! And don't believe those VS boys when they claim otherwise. (: Later, Safwana was saying thanks for giving pre u sem that great TK atmosphere, and I couldn't agree more man. TK totally rocked, and I'll have memories there that I still keep though I love TJ much more.

2007-05-28T19:16:00.000+08:00

I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and you've been the sweetest most wonderfullest thing that happened to me. You totally light up my life the way LeeAnn says you do and give me encouragement, help, advice when I need it the most. You're never quick to judge, you're sensible, smart and funny, cute in the cutest way and innocent in the most un-innocent way ever. Going a few days without my dose of you makes me sickly and weak, only to be rejuvenated after the sound of your familiar soothing voice.

You're not hot in the least, I never gush about you the way I do about cute guys, but the truth is though I don't show it, those guys are nothing and you, you're everything, like Jesse says just that it's he's no you instead of she.

I tease you but I'm actually saying how much I love you, we go out but never as dates, we're close such that you sometimes know me better than I know myself, and even saying what I like about you makes me incoherent, as I am now.

But, of course, I've never ever told you, for fear of losing your friendship.

Let's just be friends, just friends. That in itself is pretty wonderful already. (:

2007-05-27T20:47:00.001+08:00

Went for TJ Drama's A Midsummer Night's Dream yesterday night! Was supposed to go with Marc but he was late and I had to sit through the first half by myself. (: I won't say more but it was okay I guess, and all I shall say is that

MUSIC
SET/PROPS
COSTUMES

were all very very good! (: Big big thanks to Strings and Artivity, I know you guys worked hard at it and got very little recognition in the end, it was as much your production as it was the Drama's.

2007-05-26T13:32:00.000+08:00

I came back from Pre-U Sem yesterday! Had SUCH an awesome time, I'm really really glad I went (: Some others who went didn't really have some great experiences (Tim's gonna write a letter to PJ, lol) but I had a blast, and though there were some bumps-

1. Everyone, this is my wonderful Seminar Group (SG) 12!

SG12 at Nanyang Auditorium!" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/234/514194962_e506a6c116_b.jpg" width=1024>

SG12 was great and so were our wonderful SLOs Lingfang and Darren! I'm really really honoured to have been your group leader throughout those 5 days and though our presentation wasn't picked, I know all of us had a sense of ownership for what we'd produced and I think that in itself is worthy of being in my hall of fame anytime. (: We might have been a little clique-ish at first, but we thawed out and really bonded and we had loads of fun in the end! I love love love SG 12 and all the lame, retarded games we played which took me soooo long to get hahahaha. LIFT FALLING FALLING FALLING we played that for, like, 5 hours and it took Kenji so long to get it muahahaha. And of course, all the sleeping photos and camwhoring was so so fun! You guys totally rock! If you wanna see pictures of my wonderful wonderful SG, go to our flickr gallery!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sg12

2. TJ's parallel presentation was (in my opinion) one of the best! We went first in LT19, and set the bar real high with a relevant, sufficiently entertaining and insightful video and skit! Amal, Kerry, Melody, I'm so proud of you guys! Tim, your directing work totally rocked and just know that your efforts totally paid off. And to the rest of the TJ people at Pre U Sem, you guys all rockkkkked. (: I'm really glad I was one of your group leaders (I hope that comes out on my testimonial, the amount of work I had to do...) and thanks for the memories, cooperation and being the best representatives TJ could have sent anyday.

Here's a picture of the TJ people at the Istana!

TJC people at pre-u sem 07" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/229/515964866_4452c0329f.jpg" width=500>

ZOMG TIM AND AMAL I HATE YOU, YOU GUYS TOTALLY BLOCKED ME!!! HAHAHAHA. But Amal's already said sorry, and because Amal can be so cute, I will forgive you (: AmalAmalAmalAmalAmalAmalAmalAmalAmal! You totally rock, girl. Pre U Sem would've sucked without you, and know that you ARE your own girl, never forget that!

3. My name and comment appeared in the papers Wednesday after the Opening Ceremony on Tuesday! (: SAP schools all around are going to kill me because I proposed to abolish them, lol.

4. I love love love my roommate Jacq! Meet my roomie Jacqueline from TPJC-

mariam and jacqueline" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/239/514317127_1f99a9fc2e_m.jpg" width=240>

She's totally cool and sharing a room with her for five days was a blast! (: Lovelovelove, we'll meet again and swop KI notes, we will!

5. Visit to the Istana was soooo fun, even though they made us wait in the bus for 2 freaking hours and made us stand on the lawn in our heels for almost equally as long and stuff. But food was SOOO good, and we caught Trent dancing to the music! TRENT IS SOOO CUTE! His SG mates kept on cheering for him during parallel presentations even when he wasn't presenting sooo adorable. Oh shit, should have gotten a picture with him. Someone send me all the TJ photos!

6. Did I mention the awesome food. Zomg, they freaking fed us SIX TIMES A DAY. I think it's to sedate us so we don't say anything controversial. Hahahaha. The posher the location, the better the food. (:

7. Pizza party on the last night was sooo fun! (: Had a great time bitching, laughing and swopping funny stories with OLIVIA the co-sponsor of the pizza, JACQ who came up with the idea in the first place, Woonyee, Kerry, Amal, Olivia's roomie Preeti, Wendy and all my SG mates! After the party had died down, there was some leftover pizza. Ashwin and Arun came over and we sat around, finishing pizza and talking and talking. (: Arun can be really funny haha. I think Arun and Ash look very similar! Will upload the photo later, they really do look similar!

Overall, the 5 day camp with blazers+court shoes+tie instead of t-shirts+pants, and airconned audis instead of tents and the great outdoors was a total blast! I realise this post is a little longish, haha but there was so much I wanted to say! Say my new template is cute!

2007-05-19T21:53:00.001+08:00

Dear -insert evil name of evil queen bitch here-,

I know YOU are going around behind my back saying mean things about me while I'm not away like you always do. Hell, you even say mean things to me IN FRONT OF ME. Well, my conscience is clear because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG but let me clear this up with you: I WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING SICK WHILE I WAS AWAY AT SCHOOL OKAY. I HAD FUCKING STOMACH FLU, WHICH FUCKING MEANS I VOMIT ALL THE TIME AND I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING AND I GET FEVERS AND MUCH WORSE THINGS I CAN'T SAY BECAUSE IT'S JUST PLAIN EMBARRASSING. MY DAD HAD TO FUCKING WALK ME TO THE CLINIC BECAUSE I COULD HAVE FAINTED IF I HADN'T GOTTEN SUPPORT LIKE THAT.

DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW.

I bet you don't. But I've got fucking MCs to cover me OFFICIALLY so I don't need YOU judging me all the time.

You know what pisses me off the most. I don't even fucking know what I did wrong for you to DO THIS TO ME. I thought we were okay and all, having known each other for almost 2 1/2 years now, YOU FUCKING ACTED LIKE YOU WERE MY FRIEND. But then last year you started bitching about me behind my back and acting all normal and friendly when you're with me AND I HAD AND STILL HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY. Maybe it's because you're just a BITCH.

WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU.

I really hate you, you know. I really do. I mark out the classes I don't take with you on my timetable with red hearts and I absolutely adore those lessons, because I'm so grateful you're not there to be JUDGING ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Monday's are best, because that's when I start off the day with three you-free periods.

I hate you, I hate your two-face scarred face, I hate your fucking irritating laugh, I hate the way you're so rude to people you're supposed to respect (like, say, tutors), I hate the way you're so arrogant when you have nothing to show for it, and most of all, what I absolutely loathe you for is for the fact that you're such a fucking LIAR.

I can't believe I actually wasted time and effort on YOU. I shouldn't even care.